Tuesday, September 30, 2003
Monday, September 29, 2003
Holly went into her second week of not talking to me and just ignoring me like I don't exist anymore. It's sad that she feels this way about me now. What can you do?
So before I left the party, M gave me her phone number and email addy. So I guess we'll stay in touch and see what happens.
The sweet smell of freedom is in the air!
Saturday, September 27, 2003
The Reservoir Kittens are taking Sara to her favorite place...Outback Steakhouse...Hopefully we'll get the cute waiter that works there and she can flirt with him.
On Sunday Sara's family is throwing her a big pool party!!! Yeah!
Then Sara get's her new wheels!!! Yeah!!!! We'll be free of parental restraint! Yeah!!!
No More Drop Offs for Us!!!!! We can go on our own. Yeah Sara!!!!
Thursday, September 25, 2003
JUST DON'T DO IT AGAIN!
Hannah thought it was pretty cool that I could tap into the lesbian sisterhood and get advice so quickly!!!
She goes "Oh Ya"." I know we're two blonds but we'll figure it allout as we go along", I say!
So I shake her and tell her to calm down!
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
Monday, September 22, 2003
Mindy was far too excited. She has a boyfriend but Hannah has told me that she's Bi. I hope that she's just excited to have someone to talk too about it and not looking at me as a potential side dish for her and her boyfriend!
I hope that I can get through to Holly that I'm her friend and that I value that friendship. I'm the same person that she has known for years. The only thing that has changed is that I'm being honest about myself and whom I love.
Drugged out Zombies who take the bus and don't participate in extra school activities will not be tested.
I'm in the Journalism Club, Film and Photography Club and on the Tennis team.
I smoked a blunt at a party a couple of weeks ago. If they do a hair test I'm sunked!
Sunday, September 21, 2003
Saturday, September 20, 2003
She thought it was so wonderful that I coud be so open about it at my age. Thought I was being so brave about it. I said "No just want to be myself!".
She told me I have her complete support and love and to go get them! Hmmm... Go get what?
For herself she told me that she was asexual and ambivalent about sex and didn't know who she would fall in love with. She was celibrate and was going to stay that way.
She told me I might have problems with Holly because she spends so much of her time with homophobic Christians! I told her that Sara says the same thing too!
Then she tells me that Mindy told her that she was into girls and boys and had tried to hit on her. So watch out! Mindy? Really? She's so much a boy toy!Really? "Yes, Kelly ,Yes, it happened" she said
Friday, September 19, 2003
Then a horrible thought popped into my head. What if he came into my room one night and gave me a french kiss!!!eeeeeewwwwww!!!! I sleep with my mouth open I'm told and the thought of his horrid little tounge in my mouth is just to much to think about.
Where's that pillow?
Thursday, September 18, 2003
Then she was happy for me as I told her how I felt about myself and wanting to be the person that I am and not live in a lie and be unhappy. She told me she didn't care what I was that she loves me and always will.
Then she asked me if I was attracted her her. We have seen eachother naked many times. Going shinny dipping in eachothers pools when the parents weren't around. She's a wonderful artist and she has used me as a life model and has drawn me naked and wanted to know if I was turned on by her. I froze and didn't know what to say. I told her that I thought that she was the most beautiful girl in the world and that I love her as my friend. She was happy with that.
Then she asked me if she was a lesbian would she be my type . I smiled and before I could answer she threw a pillow at me and said that she better be. We just laughed!
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Monday, September 15, 2003
I'll tell Sara on Wendsday when we're working on our science project together.
Me: Sara, I'm a Queer Girl
Sara: Of course we're all a little strange
Me: No I'm a Lesbian
Sara: You're Greek! I didn't know that
Me: No! I like girls!
Sara:Who doesn't honey. Guys can be so lame
Me: Fuck! (grabs sara...Kisses Her on her lips)
Sara: Holly's right you are a fucking great kisser!
Me: I Know...
Sunday, September 14, 2003
Well I know your going to say you shouldn't be there Kelly with beer drinking and people smoking blunts. But we stayed. Got a little drunk. Smoked some blunts. Got high. We knew better. I knew better. But hey we're kids, we make mistakes don't we!
During this party guys started to egg girls on to kiss eachother. Why do straight guys always want girls to kiss eachother. It's their fantasy seeing chicks making out I know. And it's minetoo you know! But egging your girlfriend to kiss another chick just seems lame. Why do their girlfriends do it? Lack of self respect? Gotta make their man happy or what??
So I'm thinking What the fuck I'm a lesbian and I'm going to subvert the meaning of their desires by kissing their chicks! Hey if they're going to make their girls available I'm going to do the fucking kissing! If my kissing made these hot chicks think about being with a girl so much the better! Mind you in the last three years I only kissed two girls and at this party I ended up kissing five.
In all the commotion I ended up kissing my friend Holly and to my suprise she really kissed me back! I don't think she remembers anything about that night. We haven't said anything about it to eachother since then. But at the party she said that i was a really hot kisser.
So there I was. Fighting in the trenches against male sexual supremacy! A Lesbian Guerrilla... fighting from the underground. Take That!!!!!
Saturday, September 13, 2003
So I need to come out. Start being me. The girl I want to be.
Another problem is that my bestfriend, Sara, turns sixteen in two weeks. We have been friends since the third grade. Always together,the person I'm closest to in my life. She wants to double date. She has a boy she likes and he has a friend. See where this is leading? So in my grand scheme of coming out she'll have to be the first one I tell!
I think that I know her as well as I know myself. I think she'll accept it that I'm gay, a queer girl , a lesbian. We have unconditional love for eachother. We're best friends. We've always accepted eachother, had our problems, but always loved eachother.
But if she doesn't accept what I'm about to tell her, I think my heart would break into a million pieces...
Friday, September 12, 2003
They talk about boys and I talk around them. I'm the shy, sarcastic, hopelessly romantic one. Sara, my best friend is the quintessential party girl. Sexy, funnny, in your face, let's do it type. All the boys want her. I want her. But I value our friendship too much to do anything about it! She's a wonderfully talented artist and life without her would be, well I just couldn't think about it.
Then there are our close friends Mindy, Hannah and Holly. Mindy is the always cheery and hopeful one, a real clown, always on a diet and the only one right now that's allowed to date. Hannah is the quite and moody one. The ambivalent observer of all around her who will win an award for writing a novel someday. Holly is the goody-goody baptist girl who wants to do naughty things when the flock isn't looking.
We're a close knit bunch! We got our nickname fron Tarentinos film "Reservoir Dogs". We don't rob or kill so don't worry.
But we do talk and argue alot! But I wonder how my coming out will effect this group. Will we be together or will we break up? Can I mesh straight friends with lesbian friends? I don't know...
Sunday, September 07, 2003
This journey will be like life I am sure. Filled with ups and downs , love and hate, beginnings and endings, acceptence and rejection.
It's my life. I'm going to start to live it in my own way! Otherwise what's the point of it all?
Friday, September 05, 2003
I was wondering why can two girls hold hands and carry at a skating rink and no one minds . But if those same two girls hold hands in a mall people look and stare at them!
I'm happy to report that we kissed goodnight twice!