Friday, October 31, 2003
He's my Dad's older brother. He had kidney cancer 12 years ago and last year he got it again. It kept showing up in his body. This time it was in his pancreas. He had an operation and when he came out of it, his kidney failed and his potassium level shot up. They couldn't stabilize him. His heart kept on stopping and then he was gone. It was suppose to be a simple routine operation that turned tragic. A life ended at 59.
He was a cool guy that I loved very much. He was a professional poker player who lived in Las Vegas. He taught me how to play the game. I'm very good at it. He didn't have kids of his own. So he always called me his adopted daughter.
We're leaving for Las Vegas this afternoon to be with his wife Jan.
Sleep well my sweet Prince....I'll miss you and love you forever!
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
I'm not into the whole suicide, death and fuck the world thingy . But the look is hot and gets me so hot!
I went to the pizza buffet with my family and our drink server and plate picker upper was a goth girl. She had long straight black hair and white alabaster skin. She was downplaying her gothness for the job. But I could tell she was a goth. She had that sexy aloof attitude. She asked us if we wanted a special pizza. If we did just ask her and she would get it for us. Hmmm...special pizza! So I asked for a goat cheese, portobella mushroom, shalots, sun dried tomato pizza just to see what she would say. She cracked a smile and said no one had ever asked for that before. They didn't have the ingrediants ,so could I think of something else? Something else? I had her hooked and I wasn't about to let her go! So I said how about a baby bok choy, straw mushrooms,tofu pizza? She laughed and said that wouldn't work either and gave me a big smile. I smiled back into her big brown eyes! My Dad said leave the poor girl alone and let her do her job. I stuck my toung out at my Dad.
She told me to keep on trying and that she would be back. Yes I'll keep on trying until your mine, I thought!!!
As she walked away I just looked her over and then she gave me one of those backward over the shoulder glances with her long jet black hair flinging about in a sensual slow motion arc! Now I was hooked!
As she went about her duties at the other tables, she would keep glancing over to our table trying not to act like she was looking, but she was looking at me as I was looking at her.
Story interruptis!!! My Mom is bitching at me to get of the computer
Saturday, October 25, 2003
Friday, October 24, 2003
Thursday, October 23, 2003
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
Is Tarentino a feminist? Kill Bill contains what I think is the single most brilliant statement of male violence against women. In the opening shot we start with a black screen and hear the rapid deep breathing of a woman. Is it the sound of a woman having sex or in distress. It could go both ways. Then we're given the image of a blood splattered and beaten Uma Thurman. A horrible, frightening image. Then we meet Bill. We don't see him. Only hear him. His callus disregard for her and his mocking attitude here stands for all the boyfriends and husbands who beat their girlfriends and wives. It's brilliant. But will the legion of boys and young men who love this film for it's violence get it? I don't think so.
But it's a mess. I don't think that his non- linear style works as well here as in Pulp Fiction. It feels too choppy. Where is all the great dialogue? It's missing. It makes one think about the contribution of Roger Avery to Tarentino's early films. Kill Bill makes Tarentino look like a bad screenwriter without Avery. I'm sure this will set off a revaluation of Tarentino's career.
This is a film that is about style over content, with one great moment of content in it. Let's Hope that Kill Bill vol. 2 has more moments like the opening of Kill Bill vol.1
Monday, October 20, 2003
Sunday, October 19, 2003
Friday, October 17, 2003
Being grounded is hell!
But I did make eye contact with a cute girl at TGIF. One can only hope.
I think about her often. Last Saturday at the pool hall See looked so fucking sexy in her black hip hugging jeans and black vest. Destroying one pool player after another. I wanted to throw her on the pool table and do her right there. The dreams of virgins! Sighs
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
So the very first time that I stayed out past 10:30, I'm fucked! The cops take us to the police Station and call our parents to pick us up. No record or anything just pissed off parents who are mad as hell that we were out past curfew.
So now I'm grounded for two weeks and I'm losing two weeks of allowance.
I'm such a lucky girl!!!
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
According to phyisics theory the angle of incidence is equal to the angle of radience. An important aspect in playing pool. But when my spirling cue ball flew off the table my incident and radient angles were all off and it brought over to us a bunch of guys who were willing to help me learn the game. I think that was part of Mandy's plan! She told them that she was teaching me the game and that she didn't need any help. That she was quite good at the game and she was all that I needed.
She was brusing male egos I guess because all of a sudden some of the guys wanted to play her for money. So ten dollar bets were made and accepted and Mandy was off and running. She is very good at the game. One guy after another fell to her expert pool playing. I became the sexy banker of all the betting and the money collector. I love the sound of a fresh ten dollar bill being slapped into my hand.
Sara and Mandy were invited to play pool with a couple of cute young guys at the next table over. So they were happy too!
All in all Mandy won a hundred and thirty bucks during the evening and she gave me forty bucks for my help. Being bait can be fun!
Saturday, October 11, 2003
I never got my hair done in a men's shop before. But one look at her I had too! I watched her as she cut my Dad's hair. Moving in slow motion around my dad, the sweet swivel of her hips, as she cut and then moved around him. Pure heaven!
My dad was done. He paid for his haircut and then gave me 30 bucks for mine. He left to go the bookstore to pick up the book he had ordered. I wanted a shampoo, cut and style. The works. Anything to prolong my stay with Miranda. I slipped into the shampoo chair. Soon her fingers were gently massaging my head.
I felt like we were in a shower together. Her standing behind me playing with my hair. The hot water dripping down my ...hey wait. Well lets just say it felt great.
I then hopped into the salon chair and we ingaged in the usual small talk. I watched her every move in the mirror, wanting this beautiful creature who was cuting and fingering my hair. Then she asked me if I had a boyfriend.
Edgar Allen Poe has this short story called Imp of the Perverse. In this story a man commits the perfect murder. He dosn't get caught. But one day in a market place and he has this overwhelming desire to tell people about the perfect murder he commited. By the end story he is sitting in a jail cell awaiting his execution. He told everyone about the murder. He couldn't help himself.
Well that was me. I couldn't help myself . When she asked me if I had a boyfriend I just blurted out "No I like girls." This to a person that I hadn't known for more than 15 minutes. It was the Imp of the Perverse!It got the best of me. I told a perfect stranger that I was queer. Then in a equally candid admission she told me that she had been down that road a couple of times! SHE'S BI! FUCK YES! I could just see us holding hands and skipping down the road of lesbian/bisexual orgasmic bliss. But damn it i'm only 15!
So,that's how I ended up with new hairstyle. Now I have a new shorter look thanks to my sexual desire for Miranda.
Everyone who see's the new hair style says I look sexy in short hair. I have been transformed from a cute long hair surbuban teenage blonde into a sexy, ravishing dykette bombshell. I owe it all to Miranda!
Things just happen to you when you least expect it. I now look forward to trims.
Friday, October 10, 2003
Thursday, October 09, 2003
A girl named Karen was sitting in the caferteria by herself. She's gay. 3 cheerleaders came up to her and started harassing her. Telling her how they knew she wanted them. Taunting her to kiss them. I could see the tears in her eyes. She just cried. She's was a sweet girl and these friggin cheerleaders are whores.
I just sat there and did nothing. Here I am a gay girl and I did nothing. I felt ashamed of myself.
I feel ashamed of myself everytime I see a gay or lesbian kid pushed, taunted or humilated.
People tell me don't get invovled in other peoples shit!
But I'm a strong person. I stand up for myself.
These people are my people. I just can't stand watching and doing nothing.
I want to come out for me and my own reasons.
It happened again yesterday.
A gay kid was tripped into a puddle of mud.
And I did nothing
Her parents are suing the boys parents.
There have been six drug related deaths at my school since the beginning of the year. That's how my friend Derrick died. By overdosing on prescription drugs.
Parents, you need to keep track of all your prescription drugs you have in the house. This sort of abuse is on the rise.
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
Mindy's boyfriend Roger was horrible. Ragging on her weight all night and only paying attention to my date Mandy. Mindy is a heavy set girl who carries her weight very well. I think see looks sexy in her bikini. She's built like a classical beauty not a twiggy type. She's always worried about her weight. She suffers but she's big boned.
She asked me since I like girls if I would be attracted to her if we weren't friends. I told her yes. I hope that was the right thing to say. She might be Bi and I don't want to encourage her to think that we might get together . I love her as a friend.
Saturday, October 04, 2003
All this thinking made me nervous again. What if she was only being nice and was really bored during the date. She didn't seem to be.
We pulled up to my house. She stopped the engine and looked at me and smiled. She told me that she wanted to see me again if I wanted to see her again . Boy did I want to too! I told her I felt the same way. She then took my hand in hers, pulled me towards her and gave me a sweet and gentle kiss on the lips. All my nervousness was wiped away. I told her to call me when she got home!
That was it. My first real kiss.
We were all crammed in a large corner booth. Her thigh would rub againt me. I could feel the softness of her skin against mine. Smell the scent of her perfume. Hear her breathing. She would rub her arm against mine and give me a sweet smile. We were sitting at the end of the booth. When someone wanted to get something from the buffet, we would have to get up and wait for that person to get out of the booth. Her hand would brush against my back for a few seconds as we waited. Her fingers softly touching me. I wanted to faint. I didn't want the evening to stop.
At the movies we secretly held hands in the dark gently tracing our fingers over eachothers hands.
These were the moments of my first date with her. It felt good to be with her. I enjoyed being with her. I hope that she felt the same way about me.
As I opened the door she had this great big smile and said to me "Hi Sweetie , You look beautiful". At that very moment it was like in the movies where the depth of field collapses in on the shot and you feel the whole world is hurtling towards you. She looked so fucking gorgeous. I don't remember what I said to her.
She was dressed in a tight t-shirt that said "Life is Delicious...Take a bite." I stared at her breasts for a moment. They looked like she was wearing a super bra from Victoria Secret. They were up and jutting out and I couldn't help but look at them. I think she noticed my looks.
Life is delicious and she sure looked yummy!
Friday, October 03, 2003
Hair up or a ponytail, no makeup or light makeup, jeans or mini skirt. I choose hair down , light makeup and a mini.
breathe deeply i tell myself. i'm so fucking nervous. it's just the first time that I've dated a girl. what could happen. what if she wants a kiss. or more. or doesn't try to kiss me. What will i do. kiss her or not. so many things to think of. what happens if i act like a complete dork. do something stupid. why can't i just be myself. relax. everything is in slow motion right now.
Well this is it. i'm ready. i think!
So I spent all Thursday wondering if M wanted to go out with me. She called me up on Tuesday and we talked for an hour. So I called her last night and talked for an half hour and was so nervous that I couldn't ask her out. I wanted to but couldn't get the words out! I feel so stupid!
Then I saw her online and we talked while doing our homework and I still couldn't ask her. I sat there nervously sweating and wanting to so badly but still couldn't do it.
So I woke up at one in the morning and wrote her an email saying that I wanted to ask her out but couldn't do it because I was so nervous. She was the first girl that I ever asked out...I mean didn't ask out...but I wanted to too. So I sent the email and stayed up all night wondering if she would look at her mail in the morning.
She Did! She said Yes!!! So i'm going out on a date with a girl and my firends for the first time!!!!! Yeah!!!!!
She said that she thought it was so cute that I was so nervous about it.
Yes, We virgins are cute aren't we!!!