Dykette

Christmas Shopping

2003-12-23T05:25:00.000-08:00

Well I've just about gotten all my shopping done. Mom , Dad, my two brothers... Who by the way are positively monstrous children LOL, Mandy, Ashley and my dear Sara. I haven't gotten anything yet for Mindy!

I thought about getting her some sexy undies and telling her I would love to see her in it. Something from Victoria Secret. That would do it! A three piece set. And since Mindy is a different size than me the shop girls will know it's for another girl and I'm gay! Another aspect of coming out! Oh hell, I just may say that I'm buying it for my girlfriend!

I bought a deluxe pool cue case for Mandy. She's had her eyes on this one for ages. She's turning me into a nine ball fanatic! I love playing pool and under her tutelage( hmmmm..I'd love to be under her right now!) I'm becoming a pretty good pool player myself.

I got Ashley a DVD burner for her computer that she wanted! I also got her a MAC Cosmetics makeup case with three brushes and eye and lip make up. We're exchanging gifts tonight because she's leaving for home tomorrow! I'm going to miss her !

Mandy is coming over on Christmas Eve and Mindy is coming over Christmas Day. Yeek... I just remembered I can't give Mindy sexy under wear in front of my parents. I'll have to give it to her in secret! Got to get her something else. She loves MAC MV3 Creation fragrance. I'll get that for her as my in front of parents gift!

Working My Ass Off!

2003-12-22T04:54:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't been able to update recently. I have been working a lot of hours at my new job, plus with school and three girlfriends I just haven't had the time to do it!

I've been on two more dates with Mindy and we are getting on quite well together. I haven't seen Ashley in a while because of our work and school schedules. I miss her! And Mandy has been her crazy self but we haven't gone out together recently.

This Christmas shopping season is crazy. People are crazy!!! But I'm learning the bookseller business from the ground up. Mary, My boss is teaching me everything about the business.

Got to go to work! Did anyone miss me! ***POUTS***

My Weekend Dates with Mandy, Mindy and Ashley

2003-12-10T16:26:00.000-08:00

Having a full dating schedule and a new job has kepted me quite busy and unable to tell everything that has happened last week.

So what happened Kelly on your dates you say. Well, I made out with three different girls on three consecutive nights. Not sex, but kissing and very heavy petting. All three girls and I were quite aggressive in our dry fucking! When I was with each girl I felt like I couldn't or wouldn't want to be with anyone else. Then the next night the same feeling. Am I bad to feel this way. Should I feel guilty about all of this? I don't know.

And each experience was different. With Mandy it was our bodies entwined in a frenzied grinding into eachother. With Mindy it was delicious kissing and her hands up my sweater fondling my breasts and my hand sliding up her leg into her jeans covered mound. Dry fucking couldn't be any better than this I thought. With Ashley it was an all over body massage that left me delirious and ended with her fingers fucking my ass through my jeans!

Besides all this there was a pool tournament, shopping with Mindy and a movie party that left me feeling all grown up and my birthday party with all three of my girls behaving themselves.

So there you have it! It was a wonderful weekend and I hope I have more of them!

Celebrity...Britney

2003-12-10T06:16:00.000-08:00

Celebrity

Britney Spears can't stop the questions about her sexual orientation. Came up again on her Korean tour. Me thinks she protests too much!

Come on Brit you know you love to kiss girls! Kiss Me!!!!

I start my new job today !

2003-12-08T11:41:00.000-08:00

I start my new job at the book store today. I go in for six hours to train. I'm excited!

Coming Out to My Parents...

2003-12-08T11:37:00.000-08:00

I finally came out to my parents. They were already ahead of the curve and knew that I was Bi or Gay. No interest in guys or dating them, new friends picking me up to go out and my gorgeous women screen saver did me in. Kids watch what you put on your screen saver!

They accepted it and were waiting for me to come out to them! I have cool parents who love me and want the best for me. They want to meet my girlfriends and get to know them which is really neat.

Sometimes I feel guilty with the way this is turning out. When so many others are having a hard time with friends and family when they come out, I've had a easy time of it. I've lost a very close friend and two other friends. The rest have accepted me as I am.
I feel so fortunate!

Ashley, Mandy, Mindy

2003-12-03T05:43:00.000-08:00

Well I got three dates this week. On Thursday I'm going with Mandy to a Pool tournament to cheer her on. Then Friday night I have my first date with Mindy. Although we have been friends for years and have hung out, this will be our first date date. Then on Saturday night I'm going on a date with Ashley. She's taking me to the monthly film screening party. I've joined that group and one day will host the screening at my house.

I still have Sunday open...lol

I Got A Job!

2003-12-02T15:50:00.000-08:00

I'm going to work at a local Bookstore ... with a coffee shop of course... making $6.50 an hour, half price on all coffee shop items, and books at cost!

I was sitting there in the coffee shop reading a book and she came up to me and asked me if I wanted a job. I said hell ya! I told her I was about to turn 16. She said that I could start on Dec. 8th. She told me that she was having trouble with young people showing up to work, but noticed that I spent alot of time there. So she offered me the position.

She's losing a great customer but gaining a wonderful employee!

Saturday with the Girls

2003-12-02T14:48:00.000-08:00

I went out with the girls on Saturday afternoon. Sara, Hannah and Mindy. Mindy kept insisting that the two of us should go out together that night. I told her that I had a double date with Ashley and I just couldn't. But she was persistent! At Every opportunity she brought it up or did something.

At the mall she was trying on Dresses at Gadzooks. She asked me to go fetch a larger size. When I got back and opened the dressing room door she was stark raving naked except for a pair of socks. I let out a scream! She goes "This is what your missing tonight!" with a sheepish grin on her face. I have to say she's sexy and beautiful. Not in the skinny model type but the more rounded type back in the fifties like Sofia Loren!

I ran out and told Sara about it . She laughed and said "For God's sakes Kelly just go out with her or we're have to go through this all day!"

So I'm going out with her on Friday night! Now I'm up to dating three girls! My head is spinning!!!

Mindy and The Email

2003-11-29T06:46:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning to find an ecard from Mindy in my email. It was from shecards...A lesbian online card service. The picture was of two women lying in bed in eachothers arms. The note was a highly suggestive. It was about what we could do for and to eachother! I have to admit it got me hot! Then she asked me to give her a chance! At least go out with her on a date alone just one time! I had planned to go out to lunch and shopping with her,Sara and Hannah this afternoon. She said that we can talk about it then!

Mindy ,with Sara and Hannah, is one of my oldest and closest friends. If I go out with her, how would that change the dynamics of our friendship and of the group?

I'm glad that I'm going on a double date with Ashley tonight! At least I have an excuse about why I can't go out with Mind !

I'm Not a Lab Rat!

2003-11-28T07:09:00.000-08:00

Mindy finally broke up with her abusive boyfriend Roger. Good riddance. Mindy now wants to start to explore her bisexuality. She says that I was so brave with coming out to all my friends. Now she wants to experiment. The only trouble is she wants to experiment with me!!! I told her no way... but politely. I told her that she'll have to find someone else for her exploration. We've been friends too long to jeopardize our friendship with eachother.

Now I have a friend trying to get in bed with me...Help!

My Sixteenth Birthday Party

2003-11-27T18:26:00.000-08:00

I was thinking of inviting both Mandy and Ashley to it. But now I don't know. Things are heating up with Ashley and cooling down with Mandy. I never thought I would have these kinds of decisions to make. Never dreamed that little old me would be dating two girls at the same time.

THANKSGIVING

2003-11-27T05:24:00.000-08:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!!!!!

Ashley

2003-11-26T00:02:00.000-08:00

Ashley called and wanted to know if I would like to double date with another lesbian couple. I said "another couple?" "That means we're a couple" I asked. She said "Yes, I think we are. I hope we are! What do you say about it?" "Yes, we're a couple!" I said.
Yessssssss!

My Date with Ashley

2003-11-25T23:01:00.000-08:00

It went great! She took me out to dinner at Outback Steakhouse. We then went to a gallery opening and then to a party. We talk all night about everything. At the party she took me off to a quite corner and we kissed! I mean passionately. She gently rubbed me down below while our tongues danced in eachothers mouths. That was the first time that a girl had touched me like that. I want to be touched like that again. But the night ended too soon. My damn curfew!

Mandy and Ashley

2003-11-16T10:33:00.000-08:00

I had a long talk with Mandy about my feelings about girls and dating. She's going off to college next year and agrees with me about keeping our relationship open. We'll play it by ear and see what happens.

Ashley is looking for a more committed relationship but wants to keep seeing me. I'm going on a date with her next Saturday. We also talk on the phone almost every night.

So I guess I'll go with the flow and see what happens with the both of them.

Sara and Ashley

2003-11-12T15:42:00.000-08:00

When they took my Dad away in the ambulance, I was so sacred that this was it. That I would never see him again. I started to cry uncontrollably. My best friend Sara was spending the night at my house. She went with me and my family to the hospital and stayed with us. She's always been there for me no matter what happens. She helped to calm me down but I was a nervous wreak. One week I lose an uncle and then this happens to my Dad.

I was never so scared as I was on this night.

I had made plans with Ashley for Sunday. She was taking me to a student film shoot. I was going to help out with the project. I asked Sara if she could call her up and tell her that I couldn't make it.

Sara got a hold of her and told her what had happened to my Dad. She asked Sara how I was taking it. Sara said badly. Ashley told her that she would come on down to be with the both of us if she thought that was all right. Sara knew how I felt about Ashley and said that that would be great if she could come. Sara didn't tell me she was coming.

An hour later, she shows up at the hospital's emergency rooms waiting room. I was surprised. I ran up to her and hugged her and started to cry. She held me in her arms and gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek. I loved having her there with me. She made me laugh by saying that one of these days we're going to get to go on a date together. I laughed as I cried. She stayed all day Sunday with me, Sara and my brothers.

How can I not want to be with this girl. She's an angel!

My Dad

2003-11-12T15:08:00.000-08:00

I haven't been online because my Dad had a heart attack on Saturday night. He went in at 9:00pm and was diagnosed as having a mild heart attack.

On Monday he was taken to the cath lab where they found that his Left Coronary Artery was blocked 80 to 90 percent. They did a angioplasty and put in a stent.

He's out of the hospital and doing find.

He was so upset with the death of his brother that he had this heart attack. The Doctor's said that he was lucky that he had a small heart attack now and not a big one later. They said they were glad that it showed up this way.

My Dad thinks that his big brother was watching over him. Me Too!

Desiring Ashley

2003-11-06T15:54:00.000-08:00

My family and I got back from Las Vegas on Thursday morning. I had several messages from Ashley on our phone. I only had one from Mandy. I knew that Mandy was in school, so I called Ashley hoping to catch her in her dorm room. She wasn't there. I left a message on her voicemail hoping for a return call. An hour later she called me back and asked if I had lunch yet. I said no and she said that she would come over to pick me up in 45 minutes. I couldn't wait to see her. We had talked on the phone and instant messaged eachother, but hadn't seen eachother since the pizza parlor.

I waited a very long 45 minutes and she finally arrived. She was as beautiful as I had thought she would be when I had seen her for the first time with no makeup and in her work clothes. She was gorgeous in a all black outfit, her long black hair falling down around left shoulder and her pale smooth skin wearing a wisp of makeup.

I knew that this would be the girl who could have me in a wink of an eye. I wanted her too!

I know your going to say what about Mandy. I'm attracted to Mandy and love going out with her. I love her free spirit and her sense of humor. I care about her. But the attraction I have for Ashley is something else.

Ashley and I decided to go to a Japanese restaurant that has a lunch sushi special. We sat there drank green tea, ate sushi, talked and just looked into eachothers eyes. I wanted her to kiss me right there in front of everybody. I didn't care. I wanted her that much.

She's a wonderful conversationalist and we like so many of the same things that we seem so utterly right for eachother. So now I'm attracted to two girls. Ashley and Mandy. Two girls with different personalities and different qualities.

What I'm I going to do about Mandy? How do I tell her that I want to date another girl too?

The Dream

2003-11-06T11:04:00.000-08:00

I have this recurring dream that started after the death of my Grandmother Elaine last year. I didn't have this dream for awhile. But with the death of my Uncle Go Go , the dream came back to me!

In this dream I'm walking through a field of tall grass. It starts to rain. It's a warm summer's rain that gently soaks my hair and clothes. Everything is silent except for the sound of the falling rain. I keep walking through the grass and rain, until I come upon a clearing where there is sunshine and no rain. I walk through the final curtain of rain into the clearing. My hair and clothes start to dry leaving only two tracks of tears running down my face. I then see my grandmother sitting on a blanket. I walk over to her.

She asks me why am I crying. I tell her because she's gone and I love and miss her so much. I lay my head in her lap. She caresses my face and strokes my hair.

She tells me not to cry and to be happy for her that she's no longer in pain. I try, but the two streams of tears keep running down my face. I ask her how long we can stay here together. She says until my pain goes away.

We stay there together just listening to the sound of the gentle rain.

The Reeling Film Festival

2003-11-06T10:33:00.000-08:00

The Reeling Film Festival

For those of you in the Chicago area, tonight is the kick off of The Lesbian and Gay International Film Festival. It's the second oldest lesbian /Gay film festival of it's kind. Check it out. Sounds like a lot of fun. It runs from Nov.6 to the 13th. Hope you can attend.

Ethereal Existence

2003-10-31T06:24:00.000-08:00

That's how I feel about our lives. We're here for a short time and then we're gone. My uncle died last night. I called him Go Go. When I was two I couldn't say uncle so I called him Go Go. The nick name stuck.

He's my Dad's older brother. He had kidney cancer 12 years ago and last year he got it again. It kept showing up in his body. This time it was in his pancreas. He had an operation and when he came out of it, his kidney failed and his potassium level shot up. They couldn't stabilize him. His heart kept on stopping and then he was gone. It was suppose to be a simple routine operation that turned tragic. A life ended at 59.

He was a cool guy that I loved very much. He was a professional poker player who lived in Las Vegas. He taught me how to play the game. I'm very good at it. He didn't have kids of his own. So he always called me his adopted daughter.

We're leaving for Las Vegas this afternoon to be with his wife Jan.

Sleep well my sweet Prince....I'll miss you and love you forever!

Gothic girls ...Part 2

2003-10-29T17:19:00.000-08:00

Well , to make a long story short my dad has unwittingly gotten me a date with the Gothic Chick at the pizza buffet. Her name is Ashley. She is a freshman art student in college. She's studying video art. She invited me to a film party after my father asked her about her t-shirt. It was form the Chicago International film festival. My Dad is from Chicago and Ashley is too! He told her I'm interested in filmmaking and entertainment law and the next thing I know she's asking me to go with her to the film screening party! Yeah Dad,I love you!!! My parents don't realize it's a date because I'm going with a girl...one advantage to being a lesbian hehe...So I can't wait till Saturday!!!

Gothic Girls

2003-10-28T06:28:00.000-08:00

Goth girls are so sexy! I have a thing for them. Well I have a thing for a lot of types of girls you must know by now! But goth chicks are hot!

I'm not into the whole suicide, death and fuck the world thingy . But the look is hot and gets me so hot!

I went to the pizza buffet with my family and our drink server and plate picker upper was a goth girl. She had long straight black hair and white alabaster skin. She was downplaying her gothness for the job. But I could tell she was a goth. She had that sexy aloof attitude. She asked us if we wanted a special pizza. If we did just ask her and she would get it for us. Hmmm...special pizza! So I asked for a goat cheese, portobella mushroom, shalots, sun dried tomato pizza just to see what she would say. She cracked a smile and said no one had ever asked for that before. They didn't have the ingrediants ,so could I think of something else? Something else? I had her hooked and I wasn't about to let her go! So I said how about a baby bok choy, straw mushrooms,tofu pizza? She laughed and said that wouldn't work either and gave me a big smile. I smiled back into her big brown eyes! My Dad said leave the poor girl alone and let her do her job. I stuck my toung out at my Dad.

She told me to keep on trying and that she would be back. Yes I'll keep on trying until your mine, I thought!!!

As she walked away I just looked her over and then she gave me one of those backward over the shoulder glances with her long jet black hair flinging about in a sensual slow motion arc! Now I was hooked!

As she went about her duties at the other tables, she would keep glancing over to our table trying not to act like she was looking, but she was looking at me as I was looking at her.

Story interruptis!!! My Mom is bitching at me to get of the computer

Darryl Hannah , Mandy and the Big Kiss

2003-10-25T17:04:00.000-07:00

Watching the movie Kill Bill for the second time, I had this strange yearning to see Darryl Hannah naked wearing her eyepatch and a strapon with a great big black dildo. I don't know why. Was it because I was leaning on Mandy and she was gently stroking my leg. But the image of Darryl Hannah just popped into my head. Then later Mandy told me she had to pee and I went with her to the rest room. We went into the last stall and I just grabbed Mandy and gave her a big kiss on the lips. She kissed me back hard and for a very brief moment slipped her tongue into my mouth. This was a more passionate kiss than I normally do!. I missed her for two weeks and just couldn't help myself. We then just stood there wordless and out of breathe with our foreheads pressed together.

About Me!

2003-10-24T18:00:00.000-07:00

I just added a page about me. I got to run. I have a date with Mandy! Wish me luck!

Sentence is Over!

2003-10-23T20:05:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I'm a free woman again. The parental grounding for the past two weeks is over. I'm going out with Mandy, Sara, Hannah and Mindy. Well the girls want to see a movie. The movie they want to see is ...Kill Bill. So I'm going to see it again with them. I hope that we can stay out of trouble this time! Can't wait for some cuddle time with Mandy!!!!!

Kill Bill

2003-10-22T10:46:00.000-07:00

Stylistically brilliant, an action movie masterpiece, shallow, a mess or a great movie ? Kill Bill is all of these things. I don't buy that this film had to broken up into two movies to be screen. Is this greed at work. Or is this the new marketing strategy after the success of Lord of the Rings. I hope that this is not a new trend. What if Hitchcock broke up Vertigo into two parts? The first half would end with James Stewart in the loony bin. The second part his crazy desire to turn Judy into Madeline. Would it be the same masterpiece? I don't think so. Kill Bill will suffer from this split .

Is Tarentino a feminist? Kill Bill contains what I think is the single most brilliant statement of male violence against women. In the opening shot we start with a black screen and hear the rapid deep breathing of a woman. Is it the sound of a woman having sex or in distress. It could go both ways. Then we're given the image of a blood splattered and beaten Uma Thurman. A horrible, frightening image. Then we meet Bill. We don't see him. Only hear him. His callus disregard for her and his mocking attitude here stands for all the boyfriends and husbands who beat their girlfriends and wives. It's brilliant. But will the legion of boys and young men who love this film for it's violence get it? I don't think so.

But it's a mess. I don't think that his non- linear style works as well here as in Pulp Fiction. It feels too choppy. Where is all the great dialogue? It's missing. It makes one think about the contribution of Roger Avery to Tarentino's early films. Kill Bill makes Tarentino look like a bad screenwriter without Avery. I'm sure this will set off a revaluation of Tarentino's career.

This is a film that is about style over content, with one great moment of content in it. Let's Hope that Kill Bill vol. 2 has more moments like the opening of Kill Bill vol.1

Yeek!

2003-10-22T09:22:00.000-07:00

Went to the dentist today because I had two cavities! I can't wait till friday night because I come off my grounding. I want my life back! I was so much more interesting before this happened.

Giving Up Tennis

2003-10-20T16:17:00.000-07:00

I went to the Doctor's today and found out the pain in my elbow is from a combination tennis and golf elbow. The only cure for it is to quite what I'm doing. That means I have to give up tennis and being on the highschool tennis team. I hate to do it but I can't stand the pain anymore. So I'll have to find another outlet for my competitive urges.

One Week to Go

2003-10-19T08:17:00.000-07:00

I have one more week to go before I get off grounding! This is boring, I tell you. My parents are driving me insane. I miss my life ! Help!

The Horrors of All Horrors

2003-10-17T20:51:00.000-07:00

It's Friday night and instead of going out with my friends or Mandy I'm stuck with my parents and two little brothers. Yeek!!! LOL

Being grounded is hell!

But I did make eye contact with a cute girl at TGIF. One can only hope.

Missing Mandy

2003-10-17T06:58:00.000-07:00

Two weeks without seeing Mandy is going to be hell. We can talk on the phone and the internet but not to see each other will be hard. Not being able to hold hands and missing her sweet gentle kisses will drive me crazy.

I think about her often. Last Saturday at the pool hall See looked so fucking sexy in her black hip hugging jeans and black vest. Destroying one pool player after another. I wanted to throw her on the pool table and do her right there. The dreams of virgins! Sighs

How I got in trouble with My Parents

2003-10-15T17:16:00.000-07:00

It was the flashing blue lights that awoke me from my blissful slumber. After the pool game , I fell asleep on Mandy's shoulder on the ride home. We had left the pool hall at 10:15 pm, fifteen minutes before curfew. We had to drop Mindy Home and then take Mandy to her house.. I was going to stay over at Sara's for the night. It was now 10:45pm and we were caught by the cops past curfew!

So the very first time that I stayed out past 10:30, I'm fucked! The cops take us to the police Station and call our parents to pick us up. No record or anything just pissed off parents who are mad as hell that we were out past curfew.

So now I'm grounded for two weeks and I'm losing two weeks of allowance.

I'm such a lucky girl!!!

Playing Pool on a Saturday Night

2003-10-14T16:50:00.000-07:00

For our night out playing pool Mandy wanted sexy so that's what I gave her. I wore a low waist denim micro mini skirt, off the shoulders popper top with a lot of the poppers popped and high heel ankle boots. The high heel boots would give me the right amount of tension in my calf and butt muscles so that the look from behind would be delicious! Mandy, Sara and Mindy looked hot and sexy too! This could get us in trouble I thought.

According to phyisics theory the angle of incidence is equal to the angle of radience. An important aspect in playing pool. But when my spirling cue ball flew off the table my incident and radient angles were all off and it brought over to us a bunch of guys who were willing to help me learn the game. I think that was part of Mandy's plan! She told them that she was teaching me the game and that she didn't need any help. That she was quite good at the game and she was all that I needed.

She was brusing male egos I guess because all of a sudden some of the guys wanted to play her for money. So ten dollar bets were made and accepted and Mandy was off and running. She is very good at the game. One guy after another fell to her expert pool playing. I became the sexy banker of all the betting and the money collector. I love the sound of a fresh ten dollar bill being slapped into my hand.

Sara and Mandy were invited to play pool with a couple of cute young guys at the next table over. So they were happy too!

All in all Mandy won a hundred and thirty bucks during the evening and she gave me forty bucks for my help. Being bait can be fun!

Miranda and The Imp of the Perverse

2003-10-11T20:17:00.000-07:00

I found out why my dad gets so many haircuts. I took one look at his barber Miranda and saw my father in a new light. The guy has great taste. He married my mom didn't he. Miranda is fucking hot. There she stood. A twenty something in a short short pleated skirt. Long gorgeous legs that never end. Beautiful Long hair with bangs. Full pouty lips that are very kissable. A fuzzy sweater that clung to the right places. I was in love.

I never got my hair done in a men's shop before. But one look at her I had too! I watched her as she cut my Dad's hair. Moving in slow motion around my dad, the sweet swivel of her hips, as she cut and then moved around him. Pure heaven!

My dad was done. He paid for his haircut and then gave me 30 bucks for mine. He left to go the bookstore to pick up the book he had ordered. I wanted a shampoo, cut and style. The works. Anything to prolong my stay with Miranda. I slipped into the shampoo chair. Soon her fingers were gently massaging my head.

I felt like we were in a shower together. Her standing behind me playing with my hair. The hot water dripping down my ...hey wait. Well lets just say it felt great.

I then hopped into the salon chair and we ingaged in the usual small talk. I watched her every move in the mirror, wanting this beautiful creature who was cuting and fingering my hair. Then she asked me if I had a boyfriend.

Edgar Allen Poe has this short story called Imp of the Perverse. In this story a man commits the perfect murder. He dosn't get caught. But one day in a market place and he has this overwhelming desire to tell people about the perfect murder he commited. By the end story he is sitting in a jail cell awaiting his execution. He told everyone about the murder. He couldn't help himself.

Well that was me. I couldn't help myself . When she asked me if I had a boyfriend I just blurted out "No I like girls." This to a person that I hadn't known for more than 15 minutes. It was the Imp of the Perverse!It got the best of me. I told a perfect stranger that I was queer. Then in a equally candid admission she told me that she had been down that road a couple of times! SHE'S BI! FUCK YES! I could just see us holding hands and skipping down the road of lesbian/bisexual orgasmic bliss. But damn it i'm only 15!

So,that's how I ended up with new hairstyle. Now I have a new shorter look thanks to my sexual desire for Miranda.

Everyone who see's the new hair style says I look sexy in short hair. I have been transformed from a cute long hair surbuban teenage blonde into a sexy, ravishing dykette bombshell. I owe it all to Miranda!

Things just happen to you when you least expect it. I now look forward to trims.

NINEBALL

2003-10-10T16:41:00.000-07:00

What the hell is nine ball? It's a pool game I know that. Mandy is taking me, Sara, Mindy and Hannah out to learn to play pool on Saturday night. She told me to dress sexy! I think that she is a pool hustler. This is another opportunity for me to be a dork! Well maybe a sexy dork! I don't no nothing about playing pool Miss Scarlet! Damn it Janet, i'll just have to learn! My baby will be the teacher and I will be the very willing student! I hope that we can get some cuddle time in. Sara is driving that is good. I can be in the back with Mandy. But I need to calm down and get some oxygen in my brain! Just the thought of being with Mandy makes me feel like i'm flying on a cloud!

The Incident

2003-10-09T13:54:00.000-07:00

The single incident that has lead me to want come out happened late in the school year last year.

A girl named Karen was sitting in the caferteria by herself. She's gay. 3 cheerleaders came up to her and started harassing her. Telling her how they knew she wanted them. Taunting her to kiss them. I could see the tears in her eyes. She just cried. She's was a sweet girl and these friggin cheerleaders are whores.

I just sat there and did nothing. Here I am a gay girl and I did nothing. I felt ashamed of myself.

I feel ashamed of myself everytime I see a gay or lesbian kid pushed, taunted or humilated.

People tell me don't get invovled in other peoples shit!

But I'm a strong person. I stand up for myself.

These people are my people. I just can't stand watching and doing nothing.

I want to come out for me and my own reasons.

It happened again yesterday.

A gay kid was tripped into a puddle of mud.

And I did nothing

Drug Induced Coma

2003-10-09T09:11:00.000-07:00

Two kids from my school and another boy were found in a drug induced coma in their car on the side of the road this week. They were abusing prescription drugs. The drugs came from their parents medicine cabinets. All three have come out of their comas. Let's hope that they see how lucky they are to be alive and that they get themselves in a drug rehab program. The two boys, age 19 and 18 were arrested for giving the drugs to the 16 year old girl. I know the 16 year old girl.

Her parents are suing the boys parents.

There have been six drug related deaths at my school since the beginning of the year. That's how my friend Derrick died. By overdosing on prescription drugs.

Parents, you need to keep track of all your prescription drugs you have in the house. This sort of abuse is on the rise.

Sara and Mindy

2003-10-08T06:40:00.000-07:00

Both Sara and Mindy thought that I had the best date on Friday night. Sara thought her guy was a dud. He was a nice kid but didn't have much of an personality. Sara was disappointed. I told her that maybe he wasn't used to being around five independent girls with strong opinions and who talked about everything.

Mindy's boyfriend Roger was horrible. Ragging on her weight all night and only paying attention to my date Mandy. Mindy is a heavy set girl who carries her weight very well. I think see looks sexy in her bikini. She's built like a classical beauty not a twiggy type. She's always worried about her weight. She suffers but she's big boned.

She asked me since I like girls if I would be attracted to her if we weren't friends. I told her yes. I hope that was the right thing to say. She might be Bi and I don't want to encourage her to think that we might get together . I love her as a friend.

The Kiss

2003-10-04T21:17:00.000-07:00

After the movie we didn't have much time to get me home before curfew. In the car we talked and I wondered about kissing her. Would she want to kiss me? At the beginning of the evening I was so nervous that I wanted to just go back home and forget the date. But now after spending time with her I wanted a good night kiss from her. How would it happen? Would she lean over to me? Or I to her? What happens if neither one of us made the move to kiss eacthother? What happens if she tried for more than a good night kiss.

All this thinking made me nervous again. What if she was only being nice and was really bored during the date. She didn't seem to be.

We pulled up to my house. She stopped the engine and looked at me and smiled. She told me that she wanted to see me again if I wanted to see her again . Boy did I want to too! I told her I felt the same way. She then took my hand in hers, pulled me towards her and gave me a sweet and gentle kiss on the lips. All my nervousness was wiped away. I told her to call me when she got home!

That was it. My first real kiss.

Pizza and a Movie

2003-10-04T21:16:00.000-07:00

At the Pizza parlor I made a fool of myself by spilling Two of my drinks because I was so nervous. But her funny sense of humor made me relax. As the evening wore on I became more relaxed with her and myself. She's wacky, crazy,funny and sexy. She looked delicious. With that thight top, short tartan plaid skirt and lace up knee hi boots, I just couldn't take my eyes off of her. And neither could Mindy's boyfriend Roger. I wanted to bitch slap that little fucker for ignoring his girlfriend and bothering my date. "Hello, She's with me!!" I wanted to say.

We were all crammed in a large corner booth. Her thigh would rub againt me. I could feel the softness of her skin against mine. Smell the scent of her perfume. Hear her breathing. She would rub her arm against mine and give me a sweet smile. We were sitting at the end of the booth. When someone wanted to get something from the buffet, we would have to get up and wait for that person to get out of the booth. Her hand would brush against my back for a few seconds as we waited. Her fingers softly touching me. I wanted to faint. I didn't want the evening to stop.

At the movies we secretly held hands in the dark gently tracing our fingers over eachothers hands.

These were the moments of my first date with her. It felt good to be with her. I enjoyed being with her. I hope that she felt the same way about me.

Hi Sweetie and Life is Delicious

2003-10-04T21:15:00.000-07:00

I have to say that I was nervous when M came to pick me up for the Date. My first date with a girl. The word nervous can't begin to describe how I felt. I had to remind myself to breath and take steps to reach her car. It felt like I was in slow motion as I walked down to her. I could hear music blasting from her car but couldn't make it out. All was a blur!

As I opened the door she had this great big smile and said to me "Hi Sweetie , You look beautiful". At that very moment it was like in the movies where the depth of field collapses in on the shot and you feel the whole world is hurtling towards you. She looked so fucking gorgeous. I don't remember what I said to her.

She was dressed in a tight t-shirt that said "Life is Delicious...Take a bite." I stared at her breasts for a moment. They looked like she was wearing a super bra from Victoria Secret. They were up and jutting out and I couldn't help but look at them. I think she noticed my looks.

Life is delicious and she sure looked yummy!

15 mins to What

2003-10-03T21:13:00.000-07:00

M will be here in 15 mins. to pick me up. Did I make the right choices?

Hair up or a ponytail, no makeup or light makeup, jeans or mini skirt. I choose hair down , light makeup and a mini.

breathe deeply i tell myself. i'm so fucking nervous. it's just the first time that I've dated a girl. what could happen. what if she wants a kiss. or more. or doesn't try to kiss me. What will i do. kiss her or not. so many things to think of. what happens if i act like a complete dork. do something stupid. why can't i just be myself. relax. everything is in slow motion right now.

Well this is it. i'm ready. i think!

Asking a Girl Out

2003-10-03T21:12:00.000-07:00

My friend Sara just turned 16 and can start dating. She's not wasting any time. She has a date with a guy tonight and has gotten Mindy and her boyfriend to go along. She wanted me to call up M and ask her to come along with me and the rest of them. Hannah is dateless by choice and will be there.

So I spent all Thursday wondering if M wanted to go out with me. She called me up on Tuesday and we talked for an hour. So I called her last night and talked for an half hour and was so nervous that I couldn't ask her out. I wanted to but couldn't get the words out! I feel so stupid!

Then I saw her online and we talked while doing our homework and I still couldn't ask her. I sat there nervously sweating and wanting to so badly but still couldn't do it.

So I woke up at one in the morning and wrote her an email saying that I wanted to ask her out but couldn't do it because I was so nervous. She was the first girl that I ever asked out...I mean didn't ask out...but I wanted to too. So I sent the email and stayed up all night wondering if she would look at her mail in the morning.

She Did! She said Yes!!! So i'm going out on a date with a girl and my firends for the first time!!!!! Yeah!!!!!

She said that she thought it was so cute that I was so nervous about it.

Yes, We virgins are cute aren't we!!!

Attractions and Signs

2003-09-30T21:10:00.000-07:00

I find myself becoming attracted to older women. I know I'm only 15 and that leaves open alot of territory. I'm not just attracted to 20 somethings and 30 somethings but even 40 somethings. This is not only a phyisical attraction to them. But a attraction to their minds ,thoughts and words they use as well. I know at this age I can't act on this. But that 20 something standing in front of me and talking to me at Wal-Mart was so damn cute and funny! Was she queer? I don't know. I don't know if I have the abilty to spot queer chicks yet! But she was looking at me I know that. Oh Well...

Sara's Sweet Sixteen Birthday Party

2003-09-29T21:08:00.000-07:00

I went to Sara's sweet sixteen birthday party on Sunday. We all had a great time. My darling sweet Sara had a surprise for me. She invited a girl from her life drawing class at the art community center to the party. She's gay but not out so I'll refer to her as M. She told Sara that she was queer in a conversation last year. Sara thought that it would great if we could get to know eachother. She's 17 and goes to another school in the area. We talked and hung out together and had a good time. She met Mindy and Hannah too.

Holly went into her second week of not talking to me and just ignoring me like I don't exist anymore. It's sad that she feels this way about me now. What can you do?

So before I left the party, M gave me her phone number and email addy. So I guess we'll stay in touch and see what happens.

No More school Bus!

2003-09-29T21:06:00.000-07:00

Yeah! Sara went on Monday and got her drivers license. Now we can ride to school and not take the bus. Weee!!!!!!!!!!!! Todays the first day of our independence. No more bus or being droped off by the parents every time we want to go some place.

The sweet smell of freedom is in the air!

Happy Bithday Sara!!!

2003-09-27T15:45:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to my closest friend!!! Love Ya Sara!!!!

The Reservoir Kittens are taking Sara to her favorite place...Outback Steakhouse...Hopefully we'll get the cute waiter that works there and she can flirt with him.

On Sunday Sara's family is throwing her a big pool party!!! Yeah!

Then Sara get's her new wheels!!! Yeah!!!! We'll be free of parental restraint! Yeah!!!

No More Drop Offs for Us!!!!! We can go on our own. Yeah Sara!!!!

Hannah

2003-09-25T15:44:00.000-07:00

Second friend in a panic today! She wants to know what we're going to do about smoking the joint at the party and the new random testing at school. Well, we can't do anything about the joint..it was good by the way... My wise Lesbian sisters tell me that a hair test is too expensive and the school district won't spring for it. So in a couple of weeks if they do pee tests we'll be fine.

JUST DON'T DO IT AGAIN!

Hannah thought it was pretty cool that I could tap into the lesbian sisterhood and get advice so quickly!!!

Double Dating

2003-09-25T15:37:00.000-07:00

Sara comes up to me at lunch and is in a panic about what we're going to do about double dating. I tell her that were going to double date. Why the panic. She just thought that my girlfriend..if I had one... wouldn't want to date with a straight couple. I said that is nonsense. Gay people have straight friends. I'm a lesbian and my best friend is straight. Yes, No, isn't that right!

She goes "Oh Ya"." I know we're two blonds but we'll figure it allout as we go along", I say!

So I shake her and tell her to calm down!

BRITNEY SPEARS

2003-09-24T19:12:00.000-07:00

I love the Picture on Rolling Stone of Britney! Wow! As for the kiss, she says that it was a one time event. Sure! Madonna on Orpha said that it was Britney who came out with the open mouth kiss not her. She had to go with it. Poor Girl! And Madonna says that she didn't know the response that it would get. Ya Right! Madonna hasn't done anything in the twenty years that was calculated for maxium effect.

2003-09-23T22:10:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Melissa and Tammy Lynn Michaels on their wedding!

MINDY AND HOLLY

2003-09-22T21:08:00.000-07:00

I came out to my friends Mindy and Holly with mixeds results. Mindy seemed somewhat thrilled to have a Lesbian in her group and Holly was was upset and clearly wasn't happy about it. Holly refused to talk to me the rest of the night and avoided sitting by me when we went to the movies. I was hurt but what can you do.

Mindy was far too excited. She has a boyfriend but Hannah has told me that she's Bi. I hope that she's just excited to have someone to talk too about it and not looking at me as a potential side dish for her and her boyfriend!

I hope that I can get through to Holly that I'm her friend and that I value that friendship. I'm the same person that she has known for years. The only thing that has changed is that I'm being honest about myself and whom I love.

RANDOM DRUG TESTING

2003-09-22T10:07:00.000-07:00

My school district is starting a new random drug policy. People who are in school clubs, sports or drive to school will have their names placed on a list and will be randomly selected for drug and alcohol testing throughtout the year.

Drugged out Zombies who take the bus and don't participate in extra school activities will not be tested.

I'm in the Journalism Club, Film and Photography Club and on the Tennis team.

I smoked a blunt at a party a couple of weeks ago. If they do a hair test I'm sunked!

THINGS TAKEN FOR GRANTED

2003-09-21T22:06:00.000-07:00

A gentle kiss on the cheek and holding hands are things taken for granted by straight couples when they are in public places. For lesbian couples it would be an act of supreme courage or folly.

HANNAH

2003-09-20T10:05:00.000-07:00

After I came out to Sara and the fact that it went so well, I decied to call my friend Hannah. I told her that I was a lesbian and there was complete silence on the other end. She said "Your kidding me"! No way! "Yes I am" I said.

She thought it was so wonderful that I coud be so open about it at my age. Thought I was being so brave about it. I said "No just want to be myself!".

She told me I have her complete support and love and to go get them! Hmmm... Go get what?

For herself she told me that she was asexual and ambivalent about sex and didn't know who she would fall in love with. She was celibrate and was going to stay that way.

She told me I might have problems with Holly because she spends so much of her time with homophobic Christians! I told her that Sara says the same thing too!

Then she tells me that Mindy told her that she was into girls and boys and had tried to hit on her. So watch out! Mindy? Really? She's so much a boy toy!Really? "Yes, Kelly ,Yes, it happened" she said

WITH THE MONSTER BOY

2003-09-19T22:03:00.000-07:00

I had to stay home from school today because I have strept throat! What's worse my little brother has it too and I had to watch him and listen to his bitching and complaining about it. I'm as sick as him and complaining half as much. He's a monster! I offered to put a pillow over his face and end his needless suffering but he refused LOL! He's crying about it and i think he gave it to me.

Then a horrible thought popped into my head. What if he came into my room one night and gave me a french kiss!!!eeeeeewwwwww!!!! I sleep with my mouth open I'm told and the thought of his horrid little tounge in my mouth is just to much to think about.

Where's that pillow?

SARA AGAIN

2003-09-19T10:02:00.000-07:00

Sara calls me up at 3 in the morning and tells me she forgot to ask if I already had a lesbian girlfriend that I didn't tell her about. I told her no I didn't and that I have no other secrets that I'm keeping from her and that she should get her ass in bed and let me sleep! lol

SARA

2003-09-18T10:00:00.000-07:00

I finally did it! I came out to my best friend Sara. I just came out and said it to her. At first she thought I was kidding about it. I like to joke around. But I told her that it was for real. She was shocked that I could keep it a secret for so long. Then she was mad at me that I didn't tell her sooner. Then she was hurt that I didn't trust her enough to tell her sooner. Then she was mad that I would think that I'd love her more than she loves me as a friend and she wouldn't accept me after I told her. Then she got worried that I would find new lesbian friends and would forget about her as a best friend. I told her that would never happen!

Then she was happy for me as I told her how I felt about myself and wanting to be the person that I am and not live in a lie and be unhappy. She told me she didn't care what I was that she loves me and always will.

Then she asked me if I was attracted her her. We have seen eachother naked many times. Going shinny dipping in eachothers pools when the parents weren't around. She's a wonderful artist and she has used me as a life model and has drawn me naked and wanted to know if I was turned on by her. I froze and didn't know what to say. I told her that I thought that she was the most beautiful girl in the world and that I love her as my friend. She was happy with that.

Then she asked me if she was a lesbian would she be my type . I smiled and before I could answer she threw a pillow at me and said that she better be. We just laughed!

AM I? WILL I?

2003-09-16T21:59:00.000-07:00

Am I standing on a cliff ready to fall? Or standing in the light, in the fresh air? Hopeful, Afraid, Happy, Nervous, Delirious. Leaving behind a lie and living the truth. Will I still be a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister and a friend? Will I be accepted and loved for who I am and not rejected and hated for whom I love. An ending. A beginning. Hopeful, Afraid, Happy, Nervous, Delirious. Am I? Will I?

COMING OUT... THE PLAN

2003-09-15T09:57:00.000-07:00

The Plan: Sara first. Then Mindy, Hannah and Holly. Dad. Then Mom.
I'll tell Sara on Wendsday when we're working on our science project together.

Me: Sara, I'm a Queer Girl

Sara: Of course we're all a little strange

Me: No I'm a Lesbian

Sara: You're Greek! I didn't know that

Me: No! I like girls!

Sara:Who doesn't honey. Guys can be so lame

Me: Fuck! (grabs sara...Kisses Her on her lips)

Sara: Holly's right you are a fucking great kisser!

Me: I Know...

KISSING GIRLS...LESBIAN GUERRILLA UNDERGROUND

2003-09-14T09:55:00.000-07:00

A week ago, Sara talked all of us Reservoir Kittens into going to a party at this rich chicks house on a 65 acre horse farm that was well beyond the type of thing we normally do. We're only 15 and we found ourselves at a party with juniors and seniors and some college freshman we knew from our high school.

Well I know your going to say you shouldn't be there Kelly with beer drinking and people smoking blunts. But we stayed. Got a little drunk. Smoked some blunts. Got high. We knew better. I knew better. But hey we're kids, we make mistakes don't we!

During this party guys started to egg girls on to kiss eachother. Why do straight guys always want girls to kiss eachother. It's their fantasy seeing chicks making out I know. And it's minetoo you know! But egging your girlfriend to kiss another chick just seems lame. Why do their girlfriends do it? Lack of self respect? Gotta make their man happy or what??

So I'm thinking What the fuck I'm a lesbian and I'm going to subvert the meaning of their desires by kissing their chicks! Hey if they're going to make their girls available I'm going to do the fucking kissing! If my kissing made these hot chicks think about being with a girl so much the better! Mind you in the last three years I only kissed two girls and at this party I ended up kissing five.

In all the commotion I ended up kissing my friend Holly and to my suprise she really kissed me back! I don't think she remembers anything about that night. We haven't said anything about it to eachother since then. But at the party she said that i was a really hot kisser.

So there I was. Fighting in the trenches against male sexual supremacy! A Lesbian Guerrilla... fighting from the underground. Take That!!!!!

THE FAUX STRAIGHT GIRL BLUES...

2003-09-13T09:53:00.000-07:00

Thats me doing my straight girl act. Keeping the guys at bay. But I'm running out of time. The normal answer when I'm asked out is "I can't date until I'm sixteen...Sorry!!! ". It works for me, but I turn sixteen in December. I don't want to spend all my time coming up with fake excuses nor do I want to go out on useless dates acting like I'm enjoying it.

So I need to come out. Start being me. The girl I want to be.

Another problem is that my bestfriend, Sara, turns sixteen in two weeks. We have been friends since the third grade. Always together,the person I'm closest to in my life. She wants to double date. She has a boy she likes and he has a friend. See where this is leading? So in my grand scheme of coming out she'll have to be the first one I tell!

I think that I know her as well as I know myself. I think she'll accept it that I'm gay, a queer girl , a lesbian. We have unconditional love for eachother. We're best friends. We've always accepted eachother, had our problems, but always loved eachother.

But if she doesn't accept what I'm about to tell her, I think my heart would break into a million pieces...

RESERVOIR KITTENS

2003-09-12T21:50:00.000-07:00

That's me and my Friends. We get together and have lunch or dinner every week at a chinese buffet. We talk, eat , argue, talk, eat and act silly and just be ourselves. Well most of them do. As for me I'm the underground queer chick. I 'm not totally myself yet, but that's changing.

They talk about boys and I talk around them. I'm the shy, sarcastic, hopelessly romantic one. Sara, my best friend is the quintessential party girl. Sexy, funnny, in your face, let's do it type. All the boys want her. I want her. But I value our friendship too much to do anything about it! She's a wonderfully talented artist and life without her would be, well I just couldn't think about it.

Then there are our close friends Mindy, Hannah and Holly. Mindy is the always cheery and hopeful one, a real clown, always on a diet and the only one right now that's allowed to date. Hannah is the quite and moody one. The ambivalent observer of all around her who will win an award for writing a novel someday. Holly is the goody-goody baptist girl who wants to do naughty things when the flock isn't looking.

We're a close knit bunch! We got our nickname fron Tarentinos film "Reservoir Dogs". We don't rob or kill so don't worry.

But we do talk and argue alot! But I wonder how my coming out will effect this group. Will we be together or will we break up? Can I mesh straight friends with lesbian friends? I don't know...

Coming Out... My Journey

2003-09-07T10:39:00.000-07:00

I started this blog to document my coming out. In this Blog I'll tell my story as I live it. As I feel it. These are my experiences, hopes, dreams about my life. You can share them or ignore them. All of this is new for me. I have alot to learn.

This journey will be like life I am sure. Filled with ups and downs , love and hate, beginnings and endings, acceptence and rejection.

It's my life. I'm going to start to live it in my own way! Otherwise what's the point of it all?

Skate,Subs,Books and Kisses

2003-09-05T21:18:00.000-07:00

M took me roller skating and to dinner at subway. We shared a footlong steak and cheese sub. it's nice to have someone to share with. We went to Barnes and Nobles and sat and talked for a couple of hours ,looked at books and got to know eachother.

I was wondering why can two girls hold hands and carry at a skating rink and no one minds . But if those same two girls hold hands in a mall people look and stare at them!

I'm happy to report that we kissed goodnight twice!